When Pope Francis died last week at the age of 88, Catholics and people who’d like to see the Catholic Church become more progressive in its thinking mourned the loss of a good man who foregrounded urgent issues like climate change, LGBTQ rights and Israel’s unconscionable assault on Gaza. He was about as liberal-minded as you could hope for a Pope to be at this point in human history, and he gave us hope that the church may continue to evolve for the better. The world was fortunate to have him.
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On a far more trivial level, Francis’ passing was such a massive cultural event that it was bound to compel people to read more about the church, particularly Vatican politics … which meant “Conclave,” the winner of Best Adapted Screenplay at last month’s Academy Awards, suddenly saw its popularity surge once again. But what about the many movie lovers who’ve already seen “Conclave” at least once and, therefore, are looking for a Catholic-themed film that’s wholly new to them? Did they flock en masse to Robert Bresson’s 1951 masterpiece “Diary of a Country Priest?” Not exactly. Did they irreverently look up Robbie Coltrane’s controversial 1991 comedy “The Pope Must Die” (which was amusingly rechristened “The Pope Must Diet” for its U.S. theatrical release)? They couldn’t if they wanted to because it’s currently unavailable to stream anywhere. Did they gather the family ’round the flatscreen to watch Bruce Willis rob the Vatican in Michael Lehman’s glorious 1991 action-adventure “Hudson Hawk?” Alas, this blessed event did not occur.
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Instead, the big winner over at Hulu right now is a 2009 franchise sequel starring Tom Hanks that’s chock full of Vatican intrigue. But is it any good?
Hulu subscribers are hot for Angles & Demons (and Hanks & Howard)
According to FlixPatrol, Ron Howard’s “Angels & Demons,” the sequel to “The Da Vinci Code,” has seen a massive uptick in views since Pope Francis departed our mortal plane (it’s currently the 12th most popular movie on the service). It’s based on the second book in Dan Brown’s series of airplane/beach/incremental toilet reads featuring American symbologist Robert Langdon, who’s once again played by Hanks. Though the film holds an unholy 36% Rotten rating at Rotten Tomatoes, you might be tempted to give it a whirl due to pedigree alone. Because, really, can a great big mainstream thriller from Ron Howard and Tom Hanks really be that bad?
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It can certainly be that bland. The film opens with the entire Catholic world mourning the unexpected death of Pope Pius XVI, which coincides with the theft of a canister of antimatter from the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN). The plot thickens when it’s revealed that the thief, who claims to belong to the Illuminati, has also kidnapped the top four candidates to become the next pope. He announces that he will kill each candidate and then destroy Rome by detonating the antimatter.
Hanks’ Langdon is teamed with Dr. Vittoria Vetra (Ayelet Zurer), the CERN scientist who was working with the antimatter, and it’s kind of fun to watch them repeatedly fall just short of saving the poor candidates (who are executed in a symbolic, straight-out-of-“Se7en” fashion). But Howard, working from a screenplay credited to Akiva Goldsman and David Koepp, allows the mystery to unfold at a plodding pace. Aside from Ewan McGregor’s heel turn as the nefarious Camerlengo, there’s simply no life to this movie.
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If you must get your Catholic on in the wake of Francis’ death, please check out some of the aforementioned movies. Or just throw on “Conclave” again because it’s just a wildly re-watchable film.
